(转发)为什么现在的孩子容易不耐烦,无聊,没有朋友,并且享受特权?
转载
2018-11-8 02:58

脸书上看到朋友转的一篇文章,无比赞同。重新编辑了格式转发到小花生,粗略翻译了一下,和大家分享。说起来是“粗略”,实际上还是用了我全部的午休。所以请尊重翻译的劳动,转载请使用小花生日志链接,谢谢!


Why Are Kids Impatient, Bored, Friendless, and Entitled?

Jacqueline

January 12, 2018


Kids today are in a devastating emotional state! Most come to school emotionally unavailable for learning. There are many factors in our modern lifestyle that contribute to this.” ~V.P.


“今天的孩子处于一种毁灭性的情绪状态!大多数人来到学校在情绪上无法学习。我们现代生活方式中有很多因素导致了这个局面。“〜V.P.


In her practice, my friend Victoria Prooday, OT is seeing something so widespread and alarming that I asked if I could share her thoughts. Due to the overwhelming interest and conversation on this topic, I am re-sharing her post.


我的朋友职业治疗师 Victoria Prooday 在她的实践中看到如此普遍存在和令人震惊的情况,我问我是否可以分享她的想法。由于对这个主题的巨大兴趣和讨论,我在这里给您分享她的帖子。


I encourage every parent who cares about the future of his/her children to read it. I know that many would choose not to hear what she says in the article, but your children need you to hear this message.


我鼓励每一位关心他/她孩子未来的父母阅读这个帖子。我知道很多人会选择不听她在文章中说的话,但你的孩子需要你听到这个消息。


Victoria writes:


维多利亚是这样写的:


I am an occupational therapist with years of experience working with children, parents, and teachers. I completely agree with this teacher’s message that our children are getting worse and worse in many aspects.


我是一名职业治疗师,拥有多年与儿童,父母和老师合作的经验。我完全同意这位老师的信息,即我们的孩子在很多方面都变得越来越糟。


I hear the same consistent message from every teacher I meet. Clearly, throughout my time as an Occupational Therapist, I have seen and continue to see a decline in children’s social, emotional, and academic functioning, as well as a sharp increase in learning disabilities and other diagnoses.


我听到每个老师遇到的同样一致的信息。很明显,在我作为职业治疗师的整个过程中,我已经看到并继续看到儿童的社交,情感和学业功能下降,以及学习障碍和其他诊断的急剧增加。


As we know, the brain is malleable. Through environment, we can make the brain “stronger” or make it “weaker”. I truly believe that, despite all our greatest intentions, we unfortunately remold our children’s brains in the wrong direction.


众所周知,大脑是可塑的。通过环境,我们可以使大脑“更强大”或使其“变弱”。我真的相信,尽管我们有着最美好的意愿,但不幸的是,我们将孩子们的大脑改错了方向。


1. KIDS GET EVERYTHING THEY WANT WHEN THEY WANT IT

孩子们得到一切他们想要的东西


“I am Hungry!!” “In a sec I will stop at the drive thru” “I am Thirsty!” “Here is a vending machine.” “I am bored!” “Use my phone!”  The ability to delay gratification is one of the key factors for future success. We have the best intentions — to make our child happy — but unfortunately, we make them happy at the moment but miserable in the long term.  To be able to delay gratification means to be able to function under stress. Our children are gradually becoming less equipped to deal with even minor stressors, which eventually become huge obstacles to their success in life.


“我很饿!!”“我会在一秒钟内停在车道上”“我渴了!”“这是一台自动售货机。”“我很无聊!”“使用我的手机!”延迟满足的能力是未来成功的关键因素之一。我们有最大的意愿 - 让我们的孩子快乐 - 但不幸的是,我们现在让他们开心,但从长远来看却很悲惨。能够延迟满足意味着能够在压力下发挥作用。我们的孩子逐渐变得不那么有能力应对甚至是轻微的压力因素,这最终成为他们生活成功的巨大障碍。


The inability to delay gratification is often seen in classrooms, malls, restaurants, and toy stores the moment the child hears “No” because parents have taught their child’s brain to get what it wants right away.


通常在教室,商场,餐馆和玩具店看不到孩子听到“不”以后有延迟满足的能力,因为父母已经把他们孩子的大脑训练成必须立即得到他们想要的东西。


2. LIMITED SOCIAL INTERACTION

有限的社会互动


We are all busy, so we give our children digital gadgets and make them “busy” too. Kids used to play outside, where, in unstructured natural environments, they learned and practiced their social skills.  Unfortunately, technology replaced the outdoor time.  Also, technology made the parents less available to socially interact with their child. Obviously, our kids fall behind… the babysitting gadget is not equipped to help kids develop social skills. Most successful people have great social skills. This is the priority!


我们都很忙,所以我们给孩子们提供数码产品,让他们也“忙”起来。孩子们过去常常在户外玩耍,在非结构化的自然环境中,他们学习并练习社交技巧。不幸的是,高科技取代了户外时间。此外,高科技使父母不太可以与孩子进行社交互动。显然,我们的孩子退步了......保姆小工具没有能力帮助孩子发展社交技能。大多数成功人士都有很好的社交技巧。这是先决条件!


The brain is just like a muscle that is trainable and re-trainable. If you want your child to be able to bike, you teach him biking skills. If you want your child to be able to wait, you need to teach that child patience.  If you want your child to be able to socialize, you need to teach him social skills. The same applies to all the other skills. There is no difference!


大脑就像可训练和可重新训练的肌肉。如果您希望您的孩子能够骑车,您可以教他骑自行车的技巧。如果您希望您的孩子能够等待,您需要教孩子耐心。如果您希望您的孩子能够进行社交,您需要教他社交技巧。这同样适用于所有其他技能。没有区别!


3. ENDLESS FUN

无尽的乐趣


We have created an artificial fun world for our children. There are no dull moments. The moment it becomes quiet, we run to entertain them again, because otherwise, we feel that we are not doing our parenting duty. We live in two separate worlds. They have their “fun” world, and we have our “work” world. Why aren’t children helping us in the kitchen or with laundry? Why don’t they tidy up their toys? This is basic monotonous work that trains the brain to be workable and function under “boredom,” which is the same “muscle” that is required to be eventually teachable at school.  When they come to school and it is time for handwriting their answer is “I can’t. It is too hard. Too boring.” Why? Because the workable “muscle” is not getting trained through endless fun. It gets trained through work.


我们人为地给孩子们营造了一个充满乐趣的世界。在那里没有一刻是沉闷的。一旦那个时刻变得安静,我们冲过去提供更多的娱乐,因为否则的话,我们觉得我们没有履行我们的养育责任。我们生活在两个不同的世界。他们有他们自己“有趣”的世界,我们有我们自己“工作”的世界。为什么孩子们不在厨房或洗衣房帮助我们?他们为什么不整理玩具?这是一项基本的单调工作,训练大脑在“无聊”下工作和运作,这是最终在学校完成学业需要的“肌肉”。当他们来到学校并且需要手写的时候,他们的回答是“我做不到。这太难了。太无聊了。“为什么?因为无尽的玩乐无法令用来工作的“肌肉”得到训练。只有工作才能训练它。


4. TECHNOLOGY

科技


Using technology as a “Free babysitting service” is, in fact, not free at all. The payment is waiting for you just around the corner.  We pay with our kids’ nervous systems, with their attention, and with their ability for delayed gratification. Compared to virtual reality, everyday life is boring. When kids come to the classroom, they are exposed to human voices and adequate visual stimulation as opposed to being bombarded with the graphic explosions and special effects that they are used to seeing on the screens. After hours of virtual reality, processing information in a classroom becomes increasingly challenging for our kids because their brains are getting used to the high levels of stimulation that video games provide. The inability to process lower levels of stimulation leaves kids vulnerable to academic challenges. Technology also disconnects us emotionally from our children and our families. Parental emotional availability is the main nutrient for child’s brain. Unfortunately, we are gradually depriving our children of that nutrient.


事实上,将技术用作“免费保姆服务”根本不是免费的。这笔帐迟早要付。我们用孩子的神经系统,他们的注意力以及他们延迟满足的能力付出代价。与虚拟现实相比,日常生活很无聊。当孩子们来到教室时,他们会接触到人类的声音和足够的视觉刺激,而不是被他们习惯在屏幕上看到的图形爆炸和特殊效果所轰炸。经过数小时的虚拟现实,在课堂上处理信息对我们的孩子来说变得越来越具有挑战性,因为他们的大脑已经习惯了视频游戏提供的高水平刺激。无法处理较低水平的刺激会使孩子容易受到学业挑战。技术也切段了我们在情感上与我们的孩子和家人的沟通。父母的情感可用性是孩子大脑的主要营养素。不幸的是,我们逐渐剥夺了孩子们的营养。


5. KIDS RULE THE WORLD

儿童统治世界


“My son doesn’t like vegetables.” “She doesn’t like going to bed early.” “He doesn’t like to eat breakfast.” “She doesn’t like toys, but she is very good at her iPad” “He doesn’t want to get dressed on his own.” “She is too lazy to eat on her own.” This is what I hear from parents all the time. Since when do children dictate to us how to parent them? If we leave it all up to them, all they are going to do is eat macaroni and cheese and bagels with cream cheese, watch TV, play on their tablets, and never go to bed.


“我的儿子不喜欢蔬菜。”“她不喜欢早睡。”“他不喜欢吃早餐。”“她不喜欢玩具,但她非常擅长 iPad” “他不想自己穿衣服。”“她懒得自己吃饭。” 这是我一直听到父母的话。从什么时候开始,孩子们向我们指示如何养育他们?如果我们把这个责任全部交由他们,他们所要做的就是吃通心粉和奶酪和涂了奶油芝士的贝果,看电视,玩平板电脑,永不上床睡觉。


What good are we doing them by giving them what they WANT when we know that it is not GOOD for them? Without proper nutrition and a good night’s sleep, our kids come to school irritable, anxious, and inattentive.  In addition, we send them the wrong message.  They learn they can do what they want and not do what they don’t want.


我们明明知道孩子想要的对他们没有好处,但我们却满足了他们,这样有什么好处呢?如果没有适当的营养和良好的睡眠,我们的孩子会上学烦躁,焦虑和不专心。另外,我们给予他们错误的信号。他们知道自己可以想做就做,不想做就不做。


The concept of “need to do” is absent. Unfortunately, in order to achieve our goals in our lives, we have to do what’s necessary, which may not always be what we want to do.  For example, if a child wants to be an A student, he needs to study hard. If he wants to be a successful soccer player, he needs to practice every day. Our children know very well what they want, but have a very hard time doing what is necessary to achieve that goal. This results in unattainable goals and leaves the kids disappointed.


没有“需要做”的概念。不幸的是,为了实现我们生活中的目标,该做的事情就得做,而这些事情我们本身并不一定愿意。例如,如果孩子想成为全优学生,他必须努力学习。如果他想成为一名成功的足球运动员,他需要每天练习。我们的孩子非常清楚他们想要什么,但是很难做到实现这个目标所必需的。这导致目标无法实现,从而令孩子失望。


TRAIN THEIR BRAIN

训练他们的大脑


You can make a difference in your child’s life by training your child’s brain so that your child will successfully function on social, emotional, and academic levels. Here is how:


您可以通过训练孩子的大脑来改变孩子的生活,使您的孩子在社交,情感和学术水平上成功。方法如下:


1. Don’t be afraid to set the limits. Kids need limits to grow happy and healthy!!


不要害怕设定限制。孩子们需要限制才能快乐健康!


•   Make a schedule for meal times, sleep times, technology time

给用餐时间,睡眠时间,高科技时间订个计划


•   Think of what is GOOD for them- not what they WANT/DON’T WANT. They are going to thank you for that later on in life. Parenting is a hard job. You need to be creative to make them do what is good for them because, most of the time, that is the exact opposite of what they want.


想想对他们来说什么是好的 —— 而不是他们想要/不想要的东西。他们将在以后的生活中感谢你。育儿是一项艰苦的工作。你需要有创造力才能让他们做对他们有益的事情,因为在大多数情况下,这与他们想要的完全相反。


•   Kids need breakfast and nutritious food. They need to spend time outdoor and go to bed at a consistent time in order to come to school available for learning the next day!


孩子们需要早餐和有营养的食品。他们需要花时间在户外,每天在固定的时间上床睡觉,以便第二天可以去学校正常学习!


•   Convert things that they don’t like doing/trying into fun, emotionally stimulating games


将他们不喜欢做的事情转化为有趣的、激发情感的游戏


2. Limit technology, and re-connect with your kids emotionally

限制高科技产品,在情感上与您的孩子重新建立联系


•   Surprise them with flowers, share a smile, tickle them, put a love note in their backpack or under their pillow, surprise them by taking them out for lunch on a school day, dance together, crawl together, have pillow fights


用鲜花给他们惊喜,分享微笑,给他们挠痒痒;在他们的背包或枕头下放一份充满爱意的便条;在上学的那天带他们吃午饭来个小惊喜,一起跳舞,一起爬,一起用枕头打闹。


•   Have family dinners, board game nights (see the list of my favorite board games), go biking, go to outdoor walks with a flashlight in the evening


组织家庭聚餐,棋盘游戏之夜(参见我最喜欢的棋盘游戏列表),骑自行车,晚上打着手电去户外散步


3. Train delayed gratification

训练延迟满足


•   Make them wait!!! It is ok to have “I am bored” time – this is the first step to creativity


让他们等待!有 “我很无聊”的时候是很正常的 - 这是创造力的第一步


•   Gradually increase the waiting time between “I want” and “I get”


逐渐增加“我想要”和“我得到”之间的等待时间


•   Avoid technology use in cars and restaurants, and instead teach them waiting while talking and playing games


避免在汽车和餐馆中使用高科技,取而代之的教他们在等待时学会用聊天和玩游戏来打发


•   Limit constant snacking


限制频繁的零食


4. Teach your child to do monotonous work from early years as it is the foundation for future “workability”


从幼年就开始教你的孩子做点单调的工作,因为它是未来“可操作能力”的基础


•   Folding laundry, tidying up toys, hanging clothes, unpacking groceries, setting the table, making lunch, unpacking their lunch box, making their bed


折叠衣物,整理玩具,晾衣服,一起给购买的日用品打包,摆桌子,做午餐,打包午餐盒,整理床


•   Be creative. Initially make it stimulating and fun so that their brain associates it with something positive.


要有创意。激发产生乐趣,令大脑与积极的东西联系起来。


5. Teach social skills


教授社交技巧


Teach them turn taking, sharing, losing/winning, compromising, complimenting others, using “please and thank you”


教他们学会轮流参与,与人分享,面对输赢,尝试妥协,赞美他人,使用“请和谢谢你”。

回应11 收藏142
6天前
感谢分享!转给朋友和家里人学习。
6天前
非常有道理!谢谢楼主。
6天前
牛小仔 非常有道理!谢谢楼主。
最近正在反思哪里出了问题,谁的问题,怎么办?有些郁闷。
6天前
感谢分享,转给朋友和家人学习
6天前
很受启发,谢谢分享!
6天前
很有道理,找到熊孩子的根源。感谢楼主分享。
6天前
感谢楼主
6天前
我每一条都早早地意识到了,也做到了,为什么儿子还那样呢?😶
6天前
khadgar 我每一条都早早地意识到了,也做到了,为什么儿子还那样呢?😶
那估计还是没有真正做到
5天前
说的挺有道理,谢谢楼主的分享
4天前
khadgar 我每一条都早早地意识到了,也做到了,为什么儿子还那样呢?😶
凡有规则,必有例外
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